And sometimes I don’t want to be told “it will be ok” or “you’ve done so well” or “look how far you’ve come”
Sometimes I just want to be told “yes you’ve been through fucking hell and back Lottie and it’s shit but you know what it’s ok to not always have it together and it’s ok to feel things. I love you and you have a cute butt”
Every time I start to do well in recovery I’ll body check, hear something, read something or see something that makes me extremely triggered. It’s like a blanket of irrational fear smothers me and the idea of being completely well and ‘not sick’ is crippling. Then I retreat back to my eating disorder to seek some temporary sort of control amongst my thoughts and muddled up mind. I can’t get the numbers out of my mind, I am so preoccupied with numbers, I should be a mathematical prodigy. I can’t get my old body out of my mind. I can’t get how protected and safe I remember feeling. I don’t think I will ever wake up and not want to be thin. That’s probably something I should just accept instead of trying to fight. I hope learning to oppose my thoughts will come with time because for now, they are just making me extremely unhappy. The main issue I have is that I am genuinely trying. I ate fucking chocolate today. I didn’t need to, no one asked me or was watching me. I didn’t even really want to eat it. I am just so tired of being scared of food.
sleepingundertheworld asked: hii! I saw your before/after pictures randomly on my dashboard and I just wanted to tell you that you are absolutely gorgeous! Clear skin and a beautiful smile, stay positive lovely <3
Aw thanks boo! My skin was terrible up until a few weeks ago, I swear. I’m using the body shop tea tree range and my skin has never been better. Staying positive xxxx
startanewhan asked: hello! *hugs you* would you send this to the first ten people on your dash to keep it going? make someone’s day with a hug! ♥
Thanks lovely! Hello to you too :-) merry Christmas xxx
thewellofmyself asked: Name two things you like about yourself then pass it on to the first 10 people on your dashboard! #teamselfesteem
How I’m so unapologetically myself now and if I’m not happy with something then I will say instead of just sitting there and agreeing.
How I completely adore everyone until they give me a reason not to. I don’t judge people negatively unless I have to.
heartland-harrier asked: You are so inspiring. I have been struggling with an ed and it's been a bumpy road lately, but I just really like your blog and your positivity. Have a fantastic day (and btw, you are beautiful(: .)
You are a diamond! Thanks very much, it’s lovely that you would take some of your precious time to write such nice things to me.
I would be shocked if you’d of said it hasn’t been a bumpy road. This is a journey and no journey has ever been completely plain sailing. Just keep at it. You’ll get there. Sending lots of love xxxx
My legs are at the end of the day… Just my legs. Just 2 cute limbs that hold my person up. They shouldn’t be hated or resented.
kateafresh asked: lottie you are utterly gorgeous and glowing
*Bows down to you* thank you kind Kate. I can say the exact same thing about you!
Hey humans! Just have regular-ish showers, brush your teeth and be nice to people. You look fine and everyone just likes people who are kind to them.