In the grand scheme of life, how important is my sugar intake because according to myfitnesspal I eat like shit and am on my way to diabetes (this is stressful) (genuinely thought I ate relatively healthy) (I don’t feel too great)
Anorexia will ruin your Christmas. It will ruin your birthday. Friend’s birthdays. Your weekly social outings. Cake day in your literature class at college. The pudding you always enjoyed after dinner in an evening.
Anorexia will ruin your wedding day. The upbringing of your children. Your relationship with your partner.
Anorexia will ruin your friends. Your family. Your lovers. Your children. Everyone you see.
Anorexia will ruin your hair. Your nails. Your circulation. Your body. Your bones. Your love. Your trust. Your self esteem. Your happiness.
But one day
You have the power
You will win.
You’ll get your friends back. Your family will smile when you accept a cookie. Your teachers will laugh when you light up the room with your healthy smile. Your children will love it when Mum bakes and shares it with them. Your partner will hug you and not feel bones but curves and still think you’re just as god damned beautiful as the first day he met you.
You’ll get your healthy hair back. You’ll get strong nails. You’ll be able to wear nice clothes in whatever god damned size your body wants to be. You’ll look in the mirror and fucking smile.
And it might take time. And you might relapse.
And that’s okay.
We all need time. We don’t always succeed straight away.
But trust me darling.
You’ll get your life back.
And it’ll be fucking worth it.
+++++++ not ————- okay
I cannot decide
Which part of this disorder I hate the most.
Is it the thoughts
Leaving no room
For friends, family
The numbers that
Keep you up at 2am
And the voice that gently
Tells you you’re only
Safe if you eat below
Is it the tiredness
That grips you like an
The dizziness you feel
Because you do not have the
Energy to walk up
A single flight of stairs
And your legs have turned to lead?
Is it the voice
That convinces you sickness is good?
That creeps into your brain and
Corrupts your mind, so the very thing
That tells you how to survive, that
You have learned to obey
Is now instructing you
To kill yourself?
A life with an eating disorder is not a life.
I really miss the very ill folky angus and julia stone listening black coffee drinking weed smoking anorexic me